The Demonstration Skit
Derivative comedy for our derivative age.
“Hello, I’d like to order a demonstration.”
“Well, you’ve certainly come to the right place! What sort of demonstration are you thinking about?”
“Nothing fancy. Usual sort of thing. Lots of people, signs, flags, maybe some singing.”
“Very good. Drums?”
“No, thank you.”
“Whistles?”
“They keep the volume up, let people know there’s something going on.”
“No whistles, no.”
“Inflatables?”
“I don’t even know what that means.”
“It’s as good as effigies, only gives it a more humorous touch. Adds a nice visual element to the press coverage, something they can frame a shot around.”
“I don’t think so, thanks. I’m just looking for something in the way of a classic demonstration.”
“Of course. Fires?”
“Sorry?”
“What kind of fires would you like with that?”
“No fires at all!”
“I see. . . so this is to be a secret demonstration?”
“Not at all. That’s—no, no fires.”
“Small fires, then? Just the odd burning trash bin?”
“No fires at all. No flames of any kind.”
“I don’t understand. You want a demonstration without fires?”
“Is that a problem?”
“It’s highly irregular. I suppose you’ll want to compensate with some extra looting?”
“Looting?”
“Really makes a statement, gets some attention! You’re gonna want that if you opt out of fires.”
“I don’t want fires or looting, I want a simple demonstration.”
“And yet you say it’s not a secret demonstration?”
“What would be the point of that?”
“My question precisely!”
“Look, I just want a demonstration of like-minded people gathering in solidarity to bring attention to political issues on which I’d like to raise the level of general social awareness.”
“Ah, yes. Without fires or looting, then you’ll definitely be needing bricks. Shall I put you down for a pallet?”
“Bricks?”
“You know what they say, can’t make an omelette without breaking some windows.”
“Eggs. It’s eggs.”
“Eggs work too! Sure to get a response from any cops you hit with ‘em. Make a right mess of cars driving by, too—slows ‘em down, gives you a chance to surround ‘em. Two crates, shall we say?”
“Listen, I don’t want any windows broken or cars surrounded or any cops hit with eggs, I just want a simple demonstration, lawful, orderly, and peaceful.”
“I understand. What do you want to hit the cops with?”
“I don’t want any policemen being hit with anything!”
“Police people, you mean.”
“What?”
“You said police men. It’s police people. Or just cops, pigs—as long as it’s gender neutral.”
“Ah! It all makes sense now. There’s been a misunderstanding. I want to order a conservative demonstration.”
“Ho ho! There we have it. That’s the little shop next door. Don’t get much business, they’ll be happy to see you! This is progressive demonstrations, here.”
“It all makes sense now. Sorry for the confusion!”
“Not at all, not at all. Have a nice day!”